Semantics
by Phatic
Summary: Even as she did it she knew it was a rookie mistake. But he looked so lost and so confused. So she stayed. And then she got emotionally attached to a victim's family member and that just spiraled out of control. AU Caskett


AN: Hi, this is my first time writing fanfiction, so I'm seriously nervous. I'd love feedback (good or bad). This is very AU. It starts in Becket's first week as an officer. Also, I'm starting this in the 2009ish range (aka when the tv show starts) but the characters are all younger. I do this, quite frankly, for two reasons, one even though it was just a few years ago, I can't remember my life without my smart phone (that's so sad) and two, to avoid 9/11. I find that stories that take place in or around 2001 have one of two problems. They either gloss over the entire situation or they get sucked into trying to do it justice and it ruins the story. I feel the tragedy of that day is not something to be ignored nor do I feel I could adequately describe the horror or aftermath of the devastation. This is a love story (or my screwed up version of one), it is not a story of the political or emotional uproar September 11th caused. As such, it is 2009, Kate is in her early 20s and Castle is in his late 20s.

Disclaimer: Don't own Castle … yet.

Semantics summary: Even as she did it, she knew it was a rookie mistake. But he looked so lost and so confused. So she stayed. And then she got emotionally attached to a victim's family member and that just spiraled out of control. AU Caskett

Chapter 1 – **Solecism **

_**Solecism - **__a mistake in the use of language; also, an offense against good manners or etiquette_

She knew it wasn't supposed to be easy. They'd given an extensive seminar on how to break bad news at the academy. But somehow, standing here in front of this poor man's door at 4 am, everything she'd been taught got jumbled in her head. It was her first damn week. She wasn't supposed to be here, and certainly not by herself.

'Fuck you, Carter', she hissed under her breath. God, she wasn't ready for this, she wasn't prepared. It wasn't fair. She drew in a shaky breath, tried to straighten her uniform, and rang the doorbell.

_Identify yourself. Ask to come in. Sit. Don't hesitate. Be honest. Be clear. Make sure you say they're __**dead**__. Stay calm. Never leave them alone unless requested._

She heard footsteps, and all too soon the door was opening to reveal a sleep rumbled man in boxers and a faded t-shirt.

"Richard Castle?" she asked softly, even though she knew it was him. She'd spent too many hours perusing his website to have any doubt who this was. He nodded blearily. "My name is Kate Beckett, I am an officer with the 12th precinct. May I come in, please?" She held out her badge for his inspection.

He looked at her and then it in sleepy confusion for a moment before he stepped back and let her enter. She removed her hat as she walked through the doorway and turned to face him. "May we sit?" He led her to a couch and sat heavily.

"Mr. Castle, I'm sorry to tell you that there was an accident at the corner of 34th and Park earlier this morning." Kate paused, trying to keep the tremble out of her voice. His previously sleep-laden eyes went wide with anxiety. "A drunk diver ran a red light and collided head on with a taxi. Your ex-girlfriend, Meredith Doren, died 17 minutes later the emergency room of Bellevue Hospital. I'm very sorry."

"Oh, god." Castle said, "I- I haven't seen her in months, I-", he trailed off and put his head in his hands. "I should call her brother. He's in California, her only family, I need to call him". He stood abruptly and turned towards the kitchen.

Kate reached out placed her hand on his arm, he stopped and looked at her. "Mr. Castle, I'm very sorry for your loss. They were able to save the infant. They performed an emergency caesarian-"

"_Infant?" _he exclaimed. "Wh… what infant?"

Kate stared at him. "Ms. Doren was 7 months pregnant", Kate looked for the recognition in his eyes. It wasn't there. He hadn't known. This was so much worse than she'd imagined. _Fuck._

"I- what?"

"Her medical records indicate that you are the father." He dropped like dead weight to the couch. Castle stared at her, eyes wide and uncomprehending. She plowed on, "The doctors were able to keep the fetus viable until they could deliver the infant in an emergency operation. She's alive but in critical condition in the NICU."

"A girl?"

"Yes, 3 pounds, 8 ounces. I don't know the details of her situation. Her doctors can tell you more. I'm here to escort you to the hospital if you wish, Mr. Castle." Castle just continued to stare at her, unblinkingly. After a full minute he spoke.

"Mine?"

"Yes, a girl," she said remembering to be patient, calm, and clear. She'd come here woefully unprepared to notify next of kin, not tell a man he had a child, and certainly not Richard-freaking-Castle. It was hard to see someone usually reserved for tabloids and book jackets (and maybe an occasional fantasy) look so…human. But surely the same principles of delivering unexpected news still applied. It was a shock for him. So she'd repeat the information as many times as needed, she'd remain calm and patient while telling him, and she'd be prepared for strong emotional reactions. The strong emotional reaction Castle was experiencing was clearly numb shock. So she'd wait. It took another few minutes for him to speak again.

"Which hospital?"

"Bellevue. Is there anyone I can call?"

"No. My mother is on a cruise in…" he broke off. "No, there isn't."

"Can I drive you to Bellevue, Mr. Castle?" she asked as she reached out a placed her hand on his arm again. Human contact…that was supposed to help.

"No, no, I-"

"I know this is a shock, Mr. Castle. You don't appear to be in any state to drive yourself. I would be hap-" _Shit. Don't use the damn word 'happy' in this situation, you idiot._ She hastily corrected herself, "I can drive you. It's no problem."

"I- sure. Yeah. Ok"

She tried to arrange her face into something comforting and accepting. She failed. "Would you like to change? I'll wait."

He said nothing as he turned and walked away, leaving her standing in the hallway uncertainly. She stayed still for a moment, unsure and awkward, before letting her gaze wander. Her nerves at the situation were palpable and this was hardly the time, but she knew she would never get a chance to be here again. She was in Richard Castle's apartment. She'd just talked to Richard Castle. Kate tried to right herself. She had no business looking around this man's home and squealing like a little girl at seeing her favorite author. Especially not now, not when she'd just given life-altering news. The contrition she felt at allowing her fan-girl self to take advantage of a horrible situation froze when she spotted the framed covers of his novels. Of all his novels. In order. First editions. She stared.

These books, these wonderful books, had helped her so much after her mother's death. They had given her solace and purpose. They had made her want to be a cop. They had been her comfort at the academy when she'd felt lost and hopeless. Every day they saved her from the crushing despair she felt at losing her mother. She would have given anything to be here under different circumstances.

She'd never admit it aloud, but in her fantasies she'd been here many times before. Most of them started simply. They would meet at a book signing, or a coffee shop, or the grocery store, and then they just talk. For hours. About his books, about what they meant to her, about how thankful she was to him. Those fantasies had brought her comfort often. Especially lying in bed at night, when she was unable to stop her mind from wandering to her mother.

She was abruptly broken out of her thoughts when she heard the bedroom doorknob turn. She quickly stepped away from the framed copy of _Hell Hath No Fury_ she hadn't been aware she'd been touching. Castle appeared, looking less rumpled but still dazed. He was dressed in dark jeans and a red button-down shirt. He looked good, she thought before she could stop herself.

They walked silently out the door and into the elevator. "My cruiser is parked right downstairs," Kate said. Castle made no move to acknowledge her so she remained quiet. They both remained noiseless as they drove to the hospital. It wasn't until she was putting her car into park outside the hospital entrance that he spoke.

"What happened to the other driver? The one who ran the red light?"

Kate looked at him for a moment before she spoke, "He died on impact."

Castle said nothing. He got out of the car and walked through the ER doors. She followed as quickly as she could. When they approached the nurses' station Kate gave her name and Meredith Doren's. The nurse indicated for them to sit and they did.

They waited in silence for 15 minutes before a doctor in scrubs called for Richard Castle. Castle stood abruptly and was ushered into a room. Kate started to follow, thought better of it, and remained in her seat. If he had wanted her to come he would have said. She brought her hands over her eyes and sighed. This was a disaster. No matter how she looked at it she was screwed.

When her asshole of a training officer, Jack Carter, bailed on the last half hour of their shift to meet his girlfriend she'd stupidly accepted it. It'd be a quiet night after all and she was still in the 'sucking up' and 'do everything he tells me without comment' portion of her relationship with her TO. It was a given that all new recruits would have to shovel shit for months, at the time she'd assumed this was just another bout. Looking back she realized how inappropriate it had been. No senior officer should ever leave _any_ officer alone on a shift, but especially not a rookie three fucking weeks out of the academy. Leaving her had been criminally irresponsible. What Kate didn't know was whether he was purposely trying to fuck her over or if he was really that terrible of a police officer. Either way it didn't bode well for her. She was required to report him, and reporting him meant a world of hurt for her. Carter would be suspended at the very least, possibly demoted or fired outright, and she would be the junior officer who, deserved or not, tattled on 15-year veteran of the NYPD.

_Fuck._

She was just about done summoning her courage to call Carter when a voice broke the silence.

"Officer?"

She stood to greet the stocky nurse walking towards her. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Follow me."

The nurse, whose nametag read Molly, led her through the double doors and into a very sterile looking corridor. Kate had a sudden flash of the last time she'd been in a hospital. The night, only a few months ago, her father had drunk himself into 3-day hospital stay for alcohol poisoning. She pushed the images away and allowed the unease to settle back into her stomach. She didn't know what to do. Was she supposed to stay? She really had to call in what had happened tonight. The longer she waited the worse it was going to be. Castle was safely delivered; his daughter had her next of kin. Surely her responsibility was over?

Yes, she decided. It was time to face the music. She'd call Carter first, out of respect, to give him a heads up, and then she'd call her captain. It would be a long night. But when Molly pushed open a glass door to reveal Richard Castle, a man she admired so greatly, slumped in a seat with his head in his hands looking down at his tiny daughter, she froze. He looked broken…lost…bewildered.

And so even though she knew that she needed to leave, to call Carter and her captain, the words died on her lips as he looked up at her. She closed the door gently behind her, silently slid into the chair beside him, and took his hand in her own.

"Everything will be ok."

AN: First of all, for those of you still here, thanks for reading this far. Secondly, REVIEW! (please). I don't have a lot of time to write but I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Shoot me a PM or email: Castlesemantics yahoo. com


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